Stop Being A Control Freak!

I am a control freak!  I really hate to admit that, but it's true!  I come from a long line of control freaks, so I come by it honestly!  I am tired of being this way and want to change my ways (if that is possible).  I found a Christian based book called "Let It Go: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith" by Karen Ehman, and I've started to read it I think I'm on chapter 3 or 4.  What she is saying is making sense, so that is a step in the right direction! I really want to overcome this, I've prayed about it a lot and the good Lord directed me to this book. (It totally amazes me how God can just drop things in your lap just when you need them the most!  I was NOT looking for this book it just hit me in the face when I saw it on another blog!)  I really don't like being this way, and I know that half the battle has already been won because I can admit to being this way.  Hopefully I can put into practice what Karen is guiding me to do.

The one place I think this is going to help me the most is at work.  I have always been the leader, the one who puts out the fires, etc.  I would like for some of my co-workers to step up and try their hand at putting out some of the fires.  It's not that I'm tired of doing those things, but I need to NOT take on so much responsibility, and it's time for others to spread their wings and fly.

The one thing in the this book that bothered me the most,  was that she said that being a control freak is not letting God do what he needs to do and for me and to back off and let him take the lead!  Honestly I didn't think that  my desire to control had anything to do with Him, but I am finding out He wants to lead and that I must follow.  When you put it like that I guess I owe God an apology!  I didn't mean to step on His toes! LOL!

Hopefully 2014 will be a year of learning to let go and learning to follow!   

Counting Your Blessings.....

I hear this all the time...."count your blessings".  Do you really count your blessings?  I for one probably don't do this on a regular basis, even though I should!  I got to thinking about that phrase the other day and realized I have many things to count as blessings.

HERE IS THE SHORT LIST OF MY BLESSINGS:

• Even though my daughter & grandchildren  live 5-1/2 hours away they are a blessing.  I didn't think that I would be a grandma at all since my daughter had had 7 miscarries in 3 years.  She has always wanted to adopt and that became her way of being a mother and my way of becoming a grandmother.  (being a grandma is BLESSING #1)

• I am in a financial situation that is dire, but I don't seem to fret about it as much as I used to.  I think some of that is because I attend Mass on a regular basis which put my head where it needs to be.  I won't say that I don't flip out about once in awhile but for the most part I have given that over to God.  (not flipping out as much over my financial situation is BLESSING #2)

• We do not have health care insurance and haven't had for the last four years....even though my husband has two diseases that will never get better and will only get worse we have stayed pretty health especially in the winter, the worst time ever for my husband he as severe COPD.  (not being sick and maintaining our health is BLESSING #3)

• Having a job (thank you Jesus!) is always a blessing!  I actually like my job and consider the "girls" at work my extended family.  They are there no matter what I need, that is the definition of  family. (thankful for my work family is BLESSING #4)

• I have a very supportive husband he is there no matter what happens.  He and I are the perfect match we think alike, we finish each others sentences, although we don't see eye to eye on religion (I'm Catholic he was baptised Presbyterian but doesn't attend church). For the most part we have each others back. (having him in my life is BLESSING #5)

I have many blessing in my life on a daily basis, I need to have more of an attitude of gratitude to the good Lord because things could be so much worse.  Blessings to all........

Lighting of the Advent Candle

Last week before Mass I was stopped by Sr. Annette she asked me if we would like to light the Advent Candle before Mass.  Of course I said yes!  My hubby even said he would go to Mass with me (Miracles happen everyday!) She was saying that she was trying to get the "new"  parishioners that had joined the church in 2013 to help them feel welcome and involve them with the parish activities.  I think it's a great idea!
I light my candle at the 5:00pm Mass on December 21.  I am so glad that I finally decided on a church and started going back to Mass.  This is the first year that I have even been excited about Christmas in 41 years!

When my mother died, November 30, 1972 and since then all my Christmas's have been rotten (only because I let them be), this year is different, I'm excited just like I was when I was a kid!  I really think that it's because I'm going to Mass like I should have been doing all these years.  I know this is true because the only difference in all those 41 years and now is I'm go church on a regular basis! I know I am right where I am supposed to be.  I love this feeling....I love my religion!

Catholic's and Bible Study

I found this article on Parish World....It's the burning question of the week.  Whether or not it is ok for Catholics to participate in a non-catholic bible studies.  There were many opinions on this one!   Here are some excerpts from that site:

"Catholics who willingly participate in non-Catholic religious activities are sinning for two major reasons: They are exposing themselves to contrary faith positions which could cause serious doubt in their hearts about their own Catholic Faith, and secondly, they could be giving the bad example, "scandal" to those Catholics who know them as Catholics, thereby causing doubt in the hearts of those who witness these Catholics participating in Protestant things. So yes, it is a sin to participate in Protestant religious things. It has always been a sin, not just since Vatican II."

Really? It's a sin? Not sure about that one.

"I personally think it is not a good idea to attend a non-catholic bible study. The reason being that protestant faiths usually depend on the King James version of the bible. Their interpretation is in many times conflicting to ours. I know this from talking to a friend of mine who is Baptist. He is totally way out there. And who was King James anyway to declare himself an expert in rewriting the bible ? We as Catholics believe in the salvation of the cross . They usually do not put any kind of emphasis on our Lord's death."

Hmmmm................

"I personally feel it is okay to attend a Non-Catholic bible study, because frankly they read the bible and we as Catholic don't read the bible that much and know very little about the chapter and verses. I have read the Bible twice and it is an awesome tool for everday life."

I like what she said!

"As far as non-catholic bible studies go, if you go willingly you put yourself in a position (especially if you're not strong and grounded in your faith) to have an opinion of the bible pressed on you that the catholic church does not teach. because that's really what these bible studies are based on sometimes, opinions."

He has a point!

"This subject hits very close to home for me. I was co-leader of a bible study at St. Patrick Church and had a hand full attend. Clearly there is a need for Catholics to become more familiar with Holy Scripture. 

There is however a difference in how Catholic's and Protestants interpret Holy Scripture. Roman Catholic's have an "exegesis" interpretation and Protestant's tend to have a more literal interpretation. Also, there are passages that are strongly Catholic that our Protestant brothers and sisters gloss over or ignore altoghter. The one that stands out for me is "The bread of life discourse" in John chapter 6. Christ says many times in this discourse that you MUST eat his flesh and drink his blood to have life in you or to be "raised on the last day'. Our Protestant brothers and sisters feel and teach that Christ did not really mean that "literally" even though many of his disciples stopped following him because they could not accept this teaching. Christ did not correct them but then turned to the 12 and said do you want to leave as well. 

If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. I feel that Catholic's should first have an understanding of Roman Catholic interpretation of scripture before attending bible study outside the Catholic Church."

I am on board with this guy!

What do you think?

Books I've Been Reading

A few weeks ago when I went to Mass our parish was handing out free books...."Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic" by Matthew Kelly.  I have to say it only took me a day to read it, it was pretty interesting.  After I finished the book I got online to see what else he had to offer.  The book titled "Rediscovering Catholicism" caught my eye, I knew I had to read it.  I went to work on Monday and told my co-worker and friend who is also Catholic said she thought her mom had been given a book after Mass and she thought it was that book.  She was right, she borrowed it from her mother so I could read it.   I was not really impressed with the book it was rather dry and hard to read.  I just kept reading chapter after chapter pretty soon I got to the middle of book, by then I was hooked, since it was a borrowed book I couldn't highlight so I did the next best thing I went to our local Half Price Book Store and I was in luck they had a copy!  I'm still not done with the book but at least I can now highlight now!

I think it's a book every Catholic should read.  I don't think a lot of Catholics actually know how beautiful our religion really is......The chapter I'm on now is about reconciliation, I know it's something people are not comfortable with, I have to admit it can be very scary especially if you have avoided it for long periods of time (like only going once a year).  Because of the this book I challenged myself.....I went to confession (as they used to call it).  I've never gone to reconciliation at my church...ever.  I usually go to another church to "air my dirty laundry".  It was intimidating to say  the least I was totally out of my comfort zone!!!  I hoped Father wouldn't recognize me....(if he did he didn't let on!).  I have to say I do prefer my "dirty laundry" priest to my parish priest. But the point is I took the challenge and I (Nike) "just did it".  I have to say it was liberating.  I always feel good after I confess my sins....and I forget that part of it I only remember the part where I get nervous and don't want to go in the "box".  I think I need to make myself more comfortable with reconciliation by going on a regular basis.  When I was attending Catholic school we HAD to go to confession every Friday whether we needed to or not. I don't remember being stressed out by going back then. I am sure my sins as an adult aren't any worse than they were when I was kid.  Anyway, I am going to make it a habit to get to confession at least once a month if not every other week.

My Mother, My Hero

My brother asked me a question the other night when I went over to help him fill out his questionnaire for my annulment......it made me think.  He asked why I was doing this annulment was it just so I could get confirmed?

To tell the complete story I have to start at the beginning......

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1963 and it was advanced at that point, I was only 5 years old.  My dad sat me down and told me that she had cancer and was going to die and that I needed to be strong and help out with my brother and sister from then on.  I doubt I really knew what he was talking about but I sure do remember the talk we had!  My Mom was a convert to the Catholic faith my father and myself were cradle Catholics, my brother and sister had not been baptisted till they were a bit older.  We went to Catholic school where my mother was the vice president of the school board. She was very highly involved in everything Catholic we used to call her "Super Catholic"!

My mother had to go through her own annulment, and studied for years with our priest to become Catholic. She was the strongest person I know.  She was dying....and it took her 8 years to finally receive all of her sacraments and finally be married in the Church. This woman was raising 3 kids, cooking dinner, running errands, keeping house, doing laundry, never missed any of my brother's baseball games because she was the scorekeeper,  worked full time, was the vice president of the school board, president of the Alter and Rosary Society, regular volunteer for whatever was going on at school or church.  She NEVER complained about how sick she was even though we would go out to eat and she would go to the bathroom and vomit her entire dinner all without complaining.

I remember coming out of church every Sunday and she was always asked how she was doing.....her stock answer was "I'm fine I have 3 kids to raise!". She didn't dwell in the past or feel sorry for herself.  For all that woman endured, from surgery to surgery and chemo session to chemo session NOTHING stopped her!   She was an amazing person, to be able to do all these things without complaining, without making excuses, she NEVER felt sorry for herself. She just moved forward never looking back at the past, there was nothing she could do about what HAD happened all she could was deal with it and put it where it belonged and didn't make others miserable by letting the past ruin her future.

Everyday she lived was a blessing to her, don't get me wrong she was not a saint, she was a sinner like all of us are, but she got it.....she knew what she had to do, live everyday like it was her last which ironically each day that passed could have been her last. She finally died at 11:00 am on Thursday November 30, 1972.  Finally she made it home.

For as much as we all missed her, I have come to the realization that she is the person I most admire and need to emulate.  My (and my siblings) childhood was not a good one by any means but she taught us that you can overcome anything without complaining without feeling sorry for yourself. She taught us to live each day to our best, deal with problems the best we can and not carry them around for years and make others miserable in the process. She went through things with grace and dignity all her life, what a great example she was!  I just wish our children could have known her.....my brother said something that I thought was genius...he said...she taught us to go on even if things are bad at the time they will get better, she taught us that life is short, don't live in the past, live for now.She taught us to live our faith because she loved the Catholic Church, she loved God and she loved her kids. Because she knew she wouldn't be around to give us advice as we grew up, she gave us the most precious gift of all the thing we could fall back on, the thing she knew we needed the most.....our spiritual foundation the same "thing" that kept her going.

This is why I'm going through with the annulment and I NEED to be confirmed.  If my Mom can do all those things while she was in the process of dying, without complaining then I should be able to do the same, especially since I have out lived her (she was only 47 when she died I am healthy and 55!).  I can proudly say my Mom is my hero!

So my goal from now on is to be like her, quit complaining about the hoops I have to jump through to get this annulment, I have it easy, I need to shut my mouth period!  I honor my Mother by being the best Catholic I can be. I know every Saturday as I attend Mass, I know she is proud of me for being there.  She so loved her religion and it was so important to her, I now realize the same and  it is just as important to me.  I know she is there with me, sitting in the pew next to me, that is a comfort for me. I have to thank her for giving me (us) a great spiritual foundation to draw from.  I love you Mom.....

Another Door Slams Shut

We really thought we were on our way to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel  When low and behold the door slams shut once again.  We got my hubby's marriage licenses and thought that everything was in place, well we were wrong. Apparently the Tribunal was not happy because his ex-wife's baptismal record had her birth surname and the marriage license had her adopted name so they didn't match and they wanted documented proof it was the same person.  We called the courthouse and they said the record was sealed and it would take an act of God to get it unsealed, not to mention there was a flood in 2008 which probably destroyed the files anyway. So the Tribunal had Sr. Annette draw up an affidavit and we had to get two people to verify that she had been adopted therefore the name change.  My hubby dropped it off at the church and had some words for Sr. Annette about all the hoops they have made us jump through!  He also told her he was leaning towards maybe becoming Catholic but after all of this hoop jumping he thinks it wouldn't be worth it.

I totally get why they needed this information, but come on lets make it as difficult as you can.  I know being Catholic is privileged and I would NEVER be anything but Catholic, but they had a potential convert and the dwindling number of Catholic practicing their religion is very sad, but to put off someone considering conversion is just crazy. It's stuff like this that makes people leave the church in droves. Being nit picky about stuff is a real turn off.

Hopefully my hubby will reconsider but for now he just has a real bad taste in his mouth from all this!

Finally Got Hubby's Marriage License!

After weeks of waiting we finally got my hubby's marriage license so my annulment can move forward.  Just waiting for my brother and sister to get their questionnaires.  I hope this goes quickly.....I just want to get confirmed.  My daughter thinks this is stupid (even though she is confirmed), I hate to tell her that I've always wanted this to happen...and have felt, well, incomplete!  I love my religion, I can't even imagine being anything but CATHOLIC!  It's a beautiful religion with great traditions.

Some of my favorite childhood memories take place in the Church.  Midnight mass at Christmas, Stations of the Cross, Easter, Lent, Holy days, I love everything about Catholicism!  Even back in the day when I had to go to CCD classes every Wednesday.  All the years I went to Catholic school....great memories! The older I get the more I fall in love with the Catholic Church.....what a comfort in such rocky times.  Praise the Lord!

My Annulment Is Moving Forward!

I went to see Sr. Annette on Thursday along with my hubby who so graciously agreed to get have his marriage(s) annulled so I could get confirmed in the Church.  He was told that he would have to do the same for his first marriage (get it annulled).....long story short we found out his first wife died five years ago so of course now fell on his second wife (who is the most vindictive person I know, not to mention is just pure evil!).  So in talking to Sr. Annette,  my husband happened to mention that her entire family was Catholic, but he was not sure if she was since she baptized  him in the Lutheran church. Sr. Annette had him call her and low and behold she didn't know for sure.....she ended up having to call her mother in Florida to find out where she was baptized....as (good) luck would have it she WAS baptized CATHOLIC!  Well, I didn't like the fact that we shared a religion, but I was thrilled to know that because she was "technically" Catholic her marriage to my hubby was actually invalid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Let me tell you I did a happy dance after that discovery!  Finally something went right!

Now all I had to do was sign my paperwork and Sr. Annette was going to send it in that day!  All we need right now is for the witnesses to do their part (my brother and sister are my witnesses).  I should only take 9 - 12 months and I will be clear to have my marriage blessed in the Catholic Church and get confirmed!!  I am so excited!  I will finally have all the sacraments taken care of and will become a "Complete Catholic". Alleluia and thank you Jesus!!!!!

I'm Back!

I deleted this blog out of frustration and anger.  Well, I'm back, things were looking bleak at the time and I just felt like too many people and things were requiring my full attention.  I'm still an incomplete Catholic!
My annulment has moved on, I was shocked that my ex actually answered the questionnaire that he was sent by the Dubuque Tribunal.  I thought for sure he would toss it as soon as he found out it was to annul our marriage. I was wrong.  I just want this to be over, rehashing of my marriage was the most exhausting thing I have ever done, not to mention the physical side of it, beside the huge headache, I feel like I've been beat up.  I just want to get this behind me asap!  I need to move on and put the past where it should be. I have better things to do than stew about things I can't do anything about.

My Annulment

In order to get an annulment in the Catholic church you have to have 3 witnesses....I am having problems with the third witness no one can get a hold of him!  I emailed Sr. Annette and she was going to call Sr. Maureen in Dubuque and see what she recommended.  I find it weird you have to have 3 witness when you only need two to get married!!! My hubby brought this up the other night.  I told Sr. Annette that I might have to just drop it and not proceed with it.  All I really wanted was to be able to take communion and I can do that (Praise the Lord!). My other goal was to get confirmed but the way  Sr. Annette talked I would have to wait until the annulment was finished.  I really don't see why I have to wait for that to be over, it may not even happen and if it does it will take at least 9 - 12 months to complete! Sometimes I think the Catholic church needs to review their laws somethings just don't make sense!  So I am at the point of just giving up on the whole thing.....I guess I will be an (in)complete Catholic for the rest of my life. Not happy.

Church Hopping

My good friend and I have been going to mass at the different Catholic churches in our area....I have to say I LOVE doing this!  We did notice that each church has their very own differences, some we liked, some not so much.  My friend would love to go to a mass where they don't sing, I have to agree with her I would like that as well.  The songs are so old and tired they need to be retired!!!

Why can't they play/sing contemporary christian music?  If they did that I'm sure more people would participate, maybe not so much in an older parish since the more mature attendees probably wouldn't like it.  I have to be honest, they have changed the mass so much from what it was like when I was a kid I figure that one more change couldn't hurt!

Last week I went to mass on Sunday and they had a wonderful men's group that had two guitar players and the music was upbeat and they sounded wonderful!  I would go to mass every Sunday just to hear them sing!!!  No really sure how to approach Father about this he seems like a bit of a stick in the mud!

Honestly, I probably wouldn't say a word to him....but we have a nun that is his pastoral assistant who might be able to put a bug in his ear...

Annulment Process Has Started

After 13 years of divorce I finally decided to have my first marriage annulled.  Just doing the paperwork that is required put me in a bad place in my head.  I don't know why I am feeling so horrible about this.  I guess dredging up memories that I worked so hard to forget makes me ill.  I'm sure that is why I feel so bad about things.  I really wish I would have started this process right after I divorced him.  I think it would have been better at least for me to get it over and done with while feelings were so raw and up front.  Now it just seems like rehashing old garbage, and I'm not a fan!  Hopefully this too shall pass.  The only thing that would hold me back from this annulment would be having three witness, I have one and a potential second but I'm having a hard time with number three...nobody I know who knew us both back then is #1 dead and #2 have moved and I have not talk to them in 36 years I don't even know how to find them.  So I'm uneasy about this whole thing.  I guess if it doesn't happen, that is OK at least I can receive communion and that is the one thing that I really wanted next to getting confirmed.  We shall see how this all pans out.  I will have to step up my praying on this matter.

Anima Christi

This is a beautiful prayer....usually said after receiving communion.

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ's side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen

Good News!

I just found out that I can get confirmed!!!  I do not have to go through RCIA to get it done!  It's a month of instruction then you are eligible to get confirmed.

I was not confirmed as child because of our parish priest.  He was not a kind person.  My dad had gone to sign us up for the classes and the priest told him that we would have to wait until the following year because the class was full.  Then we find out that our neighbor went down to sign her kids up for class after my dad had been there and her kids got in!!!  The reason we didn't get in  is because the priest had a beef with my dad.  My mother raised a ton of money for the church before our old priest left.  The new priest could not understand why my mother was unable to do that for him......if he even had a heart this would have not been an issue.  My mother was terminally ill she actually died a month and half after the arrival of this new priest.  He also was at my sister's friends house for dinner and she overheard the disparaging things he was saying about my mother.  Needless to say when my sister told my dad what had been said he went straight to the rectory and blasted the priest!!!  Therefore you see the reason the priest decided to be a complete ass and not let us in the confirmation classes!!  Needless to say my dad said the hell with it and quit going to Mass altogether! So long story short I finally get to complete the sacrament of confirmation after waiting 40+ years!

I have to say that this is the biggest deal to me!!!  Over the years I've drifted in and out of the Catholic religion.  The funny part is I keep coming back!  I am the only one out of us three kids that is still a practicing Catholic.  I think my mother would be very proud of me, for returning to the religion that she she so loved.  I agree with her 100% if there was one thing in my life that was always there for me it would have to be the Catholic Church!   I am proud to be a Catholic!!!! <(((><

I Finally Joined A Church!

This past Thursday I had a meeting with Sr. Annette to get registered as a parish member!  I am so excited!  I really like this church the people seem so nice!  I feel very comfortable with everything.  One thing I was a little nervous about was confession....the last I had heard was it was a face to face thing.  I grew up with the "closet" confessional where you couldn't see anyone....I did find out that there is still a "screen" between you and the priest which does make me feel better.

I am going to another Catholic church tomorrow night for Mass my friend want's me to experience "other churches"  I think it's a great idea to get another  perspective on the Mass.  But....I will be attending my own church on Sunday morning!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter a day late!  I went to 7 am Mass yesterday and was shocked at all the people that were there I figured it would be a small group but the church was packed!

I was a good girl I hung back and didn't receive communion for as much as I wanted to, I didn't I need to get this marriage thing straighten out and hit the confessional asap!   I don't know where it is but I'm sure I will get the grand tour as soon as Sr. Annette calls and sets up an appointment for me to come in and join the church.   Hopefully I will get to talk to Fr. Mark.  I just want to receive communion again and I can't do that until I resolve this marriage thing.

So I will be praying for the phone call and courage to follow through and make my first confession in probably forty years!!!  WOW that sounds so bad!  At least I'm doing something about it.....and I'm getting a gentle nudge from above to get this taken care of asap!  Pray for me! ><)))>

Incomplete Catholic

The name says it all......I am an incomplete Catholic. I am a cradle Catholic, I made my first communion however I am an incomplete Catholic because I was not confirmed!  The why is not important, but I have a great desire to be a "Complete Catholic".

I have recently started back to Mass and for the most part I love it!  I chose a larger church, partly because I like the anonymity.  I am used to a larger church anyway.  I have attended Mass during Holy Week and tomorrow is Easter I have chosen to go to the early morning Mass mainly because the Saturday night Mass is at 8:00pm and that is just too late for me besides they have the RCIA people are getting baptised, communion, & confirmed and I would be there for 2 hrs which I would not get home till really late and besides I have night blindness.

I am waiting for Sister Annette to call me back about joining the church.  I called on Tuesday of Holy Week knowing full well that I would probably not hear from her until after Easter.  I hope she calls (fingers crossed).  I have a lot to talk to Fr. Mark about.... I didn't get an annulment when I divorced my ex-husband, and subsequently married my second husband.  I'm sure they will have me start an annulment asap!  Which is fine with me, my biggest concern is I want to receive communion and I can't do that until I talk to Father. Hopefully it will be an easy fix after all the researching I've done there is a way for me to receive communion with not having to get the annulment, either way I just want to come back "home". <(((><